Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for
years.
One minute she’s perfectly fine. The next, she’s crying like a baby.
She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.
After several years of marriage (and counselling) i’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.
1. Above all, She Wants Your love
When a wife
shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.
And when a
husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.
And the vicious
cycle repeats itself.
Stop this
prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.
That’s what she
wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.
And Inshallah,
she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.
2. She’s Bored
It’s the same
thing every day.
Week in and
week out.
Not only is she
bored but she’s also tired.
She has to care
for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.
Just thinking
about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I
can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.
And let’s not
forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as
well as hold a house down.
So brothers, I
implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.
Take her out
sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.
Just do
something every now and then to break the monotony.
3. She Wants to be
Complimented
Appreciation.
Everybody wants
it.
No one wants to
feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for
granted.
Your wife does
not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals.
But she does.
And she does
that on top of all the other things in her life:
- Caring for the kids.
- Working or going to school.
- Striving to be a better Muslimah.
Show your
Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to
maintain you and your family.
A simple “thank
you” is a good start.
4. She’s Insanely Jealous
There’s a
reason most women don’t care for polygamy.
Be very careful
how you talk about other women around your wife.
Don’t ever
compare your wife to another woman.
- Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
- Don’t compare her to your mother.
- Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)
She’s wants to
know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that
way.
Even the
Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah
(RA) who was dead.
Expect,
and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.
5. She Wants You to Help Her become A Better Muslimah
If you haven’t
seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks
ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking
the role of leader within their families.
And that’s the
problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.
Not only are
they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or
other women in their lives).
Your wife
desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to
be show her how to be a better Muslimah?
But you can’t
show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you
have to upgrade your Iman.
You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to
her in a gentle, respectful way.
6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard
It’s a common
myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.
Yes, there are
some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do,
they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following
hadith:
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet
said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were
women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or
are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their
husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done
to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she
sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received
any good from you.”
Sahih Bukhari
So, yes sisters
should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.
But very often,
you brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.
Perhaps you’re
always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get
even.
Perhaps you’re
not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some
slack.
Perhaps you’re
just not that great of a guy.
Once again,
upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.
7. more Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You
Women don’t get
married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.
They get
married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna
give it to them.
Outside of her
religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life.
Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.
The funny thing
is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.
1. Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you
love her.
2. Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have
the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and
detrimental to your marriage.
3. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with
her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t
all that hard, now is it?
